Law in Contemporary Society

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YashShahSecondEssay 3 - 16 Jun 2015 - Main.EbenMoglen
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Encountering Microaggression through Extralegal Advocacy

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The Harvest of Fruitless Action

All, but a handful, are eradicated by the epic war. The military champion expands the victorious regime, eventually submitting to non-material exile in order to discover liberation. M.K. Gandhi applies the extralegal consciousness formed by his experiments in South Africa. He becomes a mahatma in the process of leading the future’s largest democracy to independence through nonviolent, civil disobedience. The observer concludes that a dilemma can still be resolved with authentic practice of his identity. Spiritual and historical influences are native to his social awareness. He offers respect in a currency demanded by the speaker, before proceeding to issue his own. \ No newline at end of file

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I think the draft would benefit from simplification through "de-layering." You have many enclosures: the Gandhi story, the opening bracket which explains why you're telling an Indian story, the reformulation in terms of "microaggression," (a very odd concept for many reasons) of material familiar in a different vocabulary: the effect is to confuse the reader about which framing to regard as "yours," conveying your idea, and which to regard as "given," part of the situation to which you are responding. If you presented the outcome of your thought process more directly, the reader could more easily participate, which is what you want.

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Revision 3r3 - 16 Jun 2015 - 19:04:01 - EbenMoglen
Revision 2r2 - 04 May 2015 - 02:51:11 - YashShah
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