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IsaacLaraIntro 2 - 28 Jan 2015 - Main.EbenMoglen
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| | | For me going to law school was a decision made after long and painstaking deliberation. I had worked full-time as a civilian police investigator for a few years examining allegations of misconduct within the NYPD. My cases normally ranged from stop-and-frisk to excessive use of force. It was not long before I realized that the skills I gained as an investigator were similar to that of a litigator. We both collected and subpoenaed evidence, interviewed witnesses (or "deposed" them), and conducted investigations based on relevant case law. I loved my job, so naturally I thought I would love being an attorney as well. Before taking the plunge, however, I made sure to reach out to several friends and mentors who had been working as attorneys to discuss their experience. Each one had either told me how unhappy they were or had discouraged me from going to law school. Suffice to say I still matriculated believing that my experience might be different. Part of the reason why I'm taking this class is to see if that will indeed be the case.
-- IsaacLara - 26 Jan 2015 | |
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This is 180 words. The maximum length of an Intro is 100 words, please. The question the intro should address is what you want from law school. That's not clear, at least to me, from this text. The most effective changes to improve this draft, I think, are (1) to formulate a clear, brief answer to the question, and (2) to use that as the key sentence in the next draft, removing or condensing the description of your old job, and the words of cliche, like "taking the plunge," which add length without adding ideas.
I also took care of the wiki management you didn't do right. Because you didn't use the Intro template, as directed, your page was filed under the topic TWikiGuestIntro at the wrong place in the topic hierarchy. I changed the parent page to PersonalIntros, as the template would have done for you, and named your piece IsaacLaraIntro, as the template would also have done for you. You should be sure to understand the steps I took. Your next draft should be write over the contents of this page, your last draft and my comments, so that the "History" display of this page can show each of the versions, and the current version of the page shows only the current draft.
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IsaacLaraIntro 1 - 26 Jan 2015 - Main.IsaacLara
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For me going to law school was a decision made after long and painstaking deliberation. I had worked full-time as a civilian police investigator for a few years examining allegations of misconduct within the NYPD. My cases normally ranged from stop-and-frisk to excessive use of force. It was not long before I realized that the skills I gained as an investigator were similar to that of a litigator. We both collected and subpoenaed evidence, interviewed witnesses (or "deposed" them), and conducted investigations based on relevant case law. I loved my job, so naturally I thought I would love being an attorney as well. Before taking the plunge, however, I made sure to reach out to several friends and mentors who had been working as attorneys to discuss their experience. Each one had either told me how unhappy they were or had discouraged me from going to law school. Suffice to say I still matriculated believing that my experience might be different. Part of the reason why I'm taking this class is to see if that will indeed be the case.
-- IsaacLara - 26 Jan 2015
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