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Achievement vs. Acceptance
-- By GabrielleStanfield - 11 Mar 2022 | |
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< | The narrative of working “ twice as hard” is one that my parents introduced to me as I started high school and I have heard it reflected in the advice of mentors and accomplished attorneys in the field ever since. On the one hand, I identify with this as I have always been driven and inspired by the outcomes that followed hard work. However, the underlying message behind this statement is one that I question. | >
> | SEEKING ACCEPTANCE
My professional experiences have been profoundly impacted by my experience as the only Black woman, let alone Black person in the room. While I have dedicated significant energy to navigating the discomfort of under-representation, I am cognizant of the fact that the reality of bias within the legal space is one that I cannot avoid. | | | | |
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< | As I matured in my academic and professional career, I confronted microaggressions, illustrating that assumptions based on my identity may precede any opportunity that I would have to convey my qualifications. Teachers singled me out (the only Black student in the classroom) presuming that I lacked the resources to complete assignments. Colleagues actively invested less time in their interactions with me, barely extending the minimum courtesy of remembering my name and excluding me in seemingly unconscious but repeated incidents that revealed bias. I took this as motivation, to achieve to the extent that my work product was beyond any critique of laziness, unpreparedness, or dumb luck. I did not cut corners, I was sparing with my questions and I studied the tendencies and language of various professional and academic environments, however, I failed to recognize that my actions were oriented around gaining acceptance. I received the fleeting gratification of good grades and praise for my professional accomplishments, but each step up the ladder towards my goal of entering the corporate law world was shadowed by a lingering feeling of dissatisfaction as I never felt fully immersed in these spaces. | >
> | My thought process thus far has centered on assimilation — lessons in etiquette and mastery of the skill of professionalism, all whilst stacking my resume with names and experiences to set me on the path to acceptance into top academic and professional opportunities. I felt the need to not only gain entrance but also to excel — working “twice as hard” as my white counterparts in order to combat the presumption of inadequacy that existed as a result of my identity. Occupying this space as the “only”, I suppressed the temptation of imposter syndrome, masking my discomfort as motivation to resist complacency and achieve to the extent that my work product was beyond any critique of laziness or unpreparedness. I was fearful of mistakes which meant that I was hesitant to take risks and sparing with my questions. Instead, I studied the tendencies and practices of those around me to avoid standing out. | | | | |
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< | I realize I was adhering to the very evils of the system that I perceive as being in need of reform. I became obsessive over-analyzing people’s reactions to me to the detriment of my confidence. In each new opportunity, I started this exercise from scratch, constantly fighting to stay above the bar of low expectations that awaited. | >
> | Persistent microaggressions, however, provided stark reminders of the fact that assumptions based on my identity would precede any opportunity that I would have to convey my qualifications. Colleagues invested less time in their interactions with me, barely extending the minimum courtesy of remembering my name, and excluding me in seemingly unconscious but repeated incidents that revealed bias. While it was my initial inclination to brush off these instances, failure to confront these situations resulted in an exercise of self-doubt. I became obsessive overanalyzing people’s reactions to me to the detriment of my confidence. In each new opportunity, I started this exercise from scratch, constantly fighting to stay above the bar of low expectations that awaited. | | | | |
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< | Resisting Respectability | >
> | RESISTING RESPECTABILITY | | | | |
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< | I identify this issue as being partially rooted in the concept of respectability. In an article for online newspaper, ANDSCAPE (previously The Undefeated), author Brando Simeo Starkey describes respectability politics stating, | >
> | As I have become more aware of scholarship and discussion surrounding the way in which “workplace culture” privileges whiteness, the unproductive and harmful nature of my approach to circumventing bias has become evident. | | | | |
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“It instructs blacks to disprove, through their personal behavior, some whites’ notions that racial inequality persists because of blacks’ biological or cultural inferiority. Devotees of respectability politics preach their gospel for two reasons: First, they hope whites will notice when blacks have reached respectability and, consequently, treat black people better, and second, to further black folks’ own interests, regardless of white approval.” ( https://andscape.com/features/respectability-politic s-how-a-flawed-conversation-sabotages-black-lives/) | >
> | Take, for example, the notion of “respectability” — referring to an understood set of ideas about how Black people should live positively and about how Black American culture should be shaped around the goal to uplift the black community. In other words, an exercise of reforming one’s individual behavior in an effort to overcome white stereotypes through self-censoring and the curation of a “respectable image”. | | | | |
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> | The burden-shifting aspect of respectability places the onus upon Black people to change the perception of their White colleagues, classmates and peers. Therefore, it is evident why the politics of respectability are considered to be an ineffective and self-deprecating strategy for the political and social uplift of Black Americans. This rhetoric of personal responsibility reinforces the superiority of whiteness in American society by framing approval by white Americans as a goal of Black achievement. In adopting this mindset, I conflated my desire for achievement with a pursuit of acceptance. To what end? | | | | |
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You don't have the space in 1,000 words for extended quotation, and you don't want to disfigure the text the reader is reading with URLs. So you can put a few words of summary in the text, and the URL in a link, as we usually would in writing for the web.
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> | It is clear that no amount of hard work, assimilation, or adoption of the norms of white-dominant spaces will place me outside of the grip of scrutiny as a Black woman so long as the legal industry continues on the existing track. In fact, we saw this on display in the past few weeks with the outrageous call for the LSAT scores of the outstandingly qualified Supreme Court Appointee Ketanji Brown Jackson. | | | | |
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< | However, the politics of respectability are considered to be an ineffective and self-deprecating strategy for the political and social uplift of Black Americans. The rhetoric of personal responsibility reinforces the superiority of whiteness in American society by framing approval by white Americans as a goal of Black achievement. | >
> | SHIFTING PRIORITIES
Going forward, I am working towards an evolved thought process, rooted in authenticity. Though it would not be accurate to say that I am no longer motivated by the results that follow from hard work. As I prepare for my legal practice, I am inspired to pursue my interests without the constraints of acceptance or approval. | | | | |
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< | This mindset robbed me of peace of mind and the opportunity to fully immerse myself and benefit from the experience of my education, internships, and professional opportunities. As we discuss the power of shaping our own practice in class, I feel inspired by the concept of having agency over my legal career. However, I am also intimidated by the parameters that are possibly self-inflicted but definitely societally reinforced. Being hesitant to take risks, advocate for myself and unrestrictedly pursue interests has real consequences as it results in limited access to valuable resources and as a result, the cycle of coveted opportunities continues to go to the individuals of backgrounds who dominate the legal industry. Furthermore, as one of so few Black individuals, let alone Black women in the legal field, I can’t help but feel impacted by the idea that my presence in the halls of an Ivy League Law School or corporate firm are reflective of a larger objective than just my own journey. | >
> | In law school, I hope to gain the knowledge and tools to achieve my goal as an attorney to carve out space where the perspectives and experiences of marginalized groups are amplified. Yet, the hurdle exists of an academic curriculum framed by rigid parameters which fail to take into account the emotional labor required by under-represented students in studying a legal system established to reinforce their inferiority. | | | | |
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< | That being said, I recognize the privilege in my experience as my parents and all four grandparents are college-educated. For plenty of people of underrepresented backgrounds in law school and legal practice, your family’s stability can depend on your success in addition to these pressures. | >
> | I believe that the law school experience presents an opportunity to disrupt the cycle reinforced by the notion of respectability. In fact, it is the responsibility of leaders of the legal education field to dismantle systemic racism as the detrimental cycle of injustice for minority populations in our country is perpetuated, in large part, by a lack of diverse legal representation. | | | | |
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> | Law schools purport to endow individuals to serve as agents of justice. Or, to adopt the words of Charles Hamilton Houston, a lawyer maintains the power to be either “a social engineer or a parasite on society”. Presuming it is the goal of these institutions to develop social engineers, at a minimum, our legal education should provide the tools necessary to achieve this goal. | | | | |
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< | Crafting a Solution
I am left with the question of how to avoid the pull of respectability when it seems to be a default method to gain access to positions of power and success in the legal industry. Or, phrased in the context of our course discussion, how can I make law school and eventually my legal practice work for me in light of the presumption of insufficiency that I have experienced already and anticipate as an obstacle in the big law world. We saw this on display just in the past few weeks with the outrageous call for the LSAT scores of the outstandingly qualified Supreme Court Nominee Ketanji Jackson. (https://www.latimes.com/opinion /letters-to-the-editor/story/2022-03-07/tucker-carlson-asking-to-see-judge-jacksons-lsat-score-is-racist)
I have come to accept that no amount of hard work, assimilation, or observance of the norms of white-dominant spaces will place me outside of the grip of scrutiny as a Black woman so long as the legal industry continues on the existing track. Furthermore, I am adamant that gaining “acceptance” and “approval” are not present among with my goals i. In terms of law school, I would like to see a more culturally nuanced focus to education, greater context in the study of cases that intersect with the history of racism in our country and in the field and more training of my peers on the inherent presence of bias in the legal space. In the 1L year as we begin the process of shaping our minds as lawyers, I think this would be valuable in place of a greater emphasis on career outcomes and adherence to the rigid restraints of the Black Letter law curriculum.
In practice, the optimal path forward requires a shifted narrative away from the generalization that hard work, outspokenness, authenticity and grit alone are the primary factors that equate to success for all individuals in this field. Underrepresented individuals enter these spaces, apply these characteristics and excel, however, we must acknowledge the cost and added labor associated with achieving these milestones on extremely unequal footing.
In conclusion, I am inspired personally by the lesson of John Brown and his thoughts on courage as I am committed to challenging myself to embody the same level of courage and confidence as my classmates and colleagues of backgrounds that are common and unrestrictedly welcomed in this space.
This does very well the real work of the first draft: to get the idea out on the page where you can think about it.
For the reader, the difference between the two unequal parts of the draft is unmissable. The first two thirds, about the past, are vividly personal: they are about you. The last third, about the future, is far more impersonal and abstract. "The optimal path forward requires a shifted narrative away from the generalization that hard work, outspokenness, authenticity and grit alone are the primary factors that equate to success for all individuals in this field," requires 34 words to say what half as many could do beautifully, while focusing as this does not on you whom this path is for.
The best route to improvement, then, is to tilt the next draft away from the past and toward the future, keeping it personal. The real subject is your developing thinking about your professional future and what you need law school to do for you in order to help you best prepare for it. The part that works best for you here, your filling in the context of the thinking you brought with you. you can now tighten and consolidate, so it is one third of the next draft instead of two thirds. In the larger space you can then flesh out the ambivalences you briefly describe in this draft, and make the "ask," that is, show as clearly as you can what you need law school to be like for you in order to help you deal with those ambivalent feelings and prepare you to have the practice you turn out really to want.
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> | In my law school experience, I would like to see a shift away from the status quo benchmarks and practices which reinforce homogeneity in the field. To be specific, I believe courses should more explicitly confront and acknowledge the ways in which the law has historically enabled inequality and facilitated exclusion. A more culturally nuanced approach to legal education and training would place greater emphasis on the value of diverse perspectives — encouraging collaboration and providing space for students to merge the unique and distinct aspects of their background and interests with the study of the legal principles that shape our society. | | | | |
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> | As I seek to avoid the pull of respectability in my legal career, I view law school as a critical starting point and training ground to catalyze much needed change in the legal field. Ultimately, the onus is on the architects of the legal system to destabilize the centrality of whiteness and support the authentic experience of diverse practitioners in the field. | | |
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