Why cite this way in a short essay for the web? It doesn't help the reader make better use of your text or your sources. Make links, so that the reader can immediately follow the statement to its source, and so she can do more reading that interests her more efficiently.

I think this is a good summary of a great deal of material. But the idea of your own that emerges from the reading and the thinking doesn't make a very vigorous appearance here, unless it is the metaphor of the "thought police," which helps us stick to Orwell's conceptions, but isn't much good outside his intended area of exploration, which is the behavior of 20th century totalitarian "reeducation," which is quite different from net-assisted despotism, let alone the coercions of market capitalism.

I think the best route to improvement is to isolate your own idea, express it succinctly but with force, and make that the first sentence of the next draft. Then you can use the following paragraphs to show how you got that idea out of your well-chosen sources, and conclude with a possible extension of your idea that the reader can take forward for herself. Then you will have the very much more effective essay that your investment in gathering sources should make possible.