Law in the Internet Society

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DonnaZamirFirstEssay 5 - 02 Dec 2019 - Main.EbenMoglen
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  Yet, it seems that at the moment, not much is done nor will be done, while too many powerful factors in the equation are benefiting from the current status. Thus, in accordance with current forecasts of the rise of the global cyber security market, it should be anticipated that in the near future far more advanced technologies will be accessed by increasingly more people around the world.

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This is a strong draft. You are seeing the issue clearly, helping the reader to understand both what is happening and what it means.

On the execution side, you can tighten the writing substantially. Find a way to make half the sentences shorter and more precise. You can make the piece more readable and gain back probably 150 words.

As to substance, you are correct in your statement of the barriers to the successful regulation of the cyberarms trade. So it is reasonable to ask what incremental measures might be achievable, and how they might form the basis of further progress as public opinion and the various national interests in arms control vary from time to time.

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Revision 5r5 - 02 Dec 2019 - 15:45:02 - EbenMoglen
Revision 4r4 - 24 Nov 2019 - 04:24:33 - DonnaZamir
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