Law in Contemporary Society

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ShirleyBoutinFirstPaper 3 - 31 Mar 2009 - Main.IanSullivan
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 Rather than deciding to pursue a law career based on “whether I have an interest in legal studies,” I think it is important to consider the practical reasons for pursuing the career by asking oneself, “what will I be able to do with this degree”? For some the answer is that having a law degree enables them to earn a decent income, while for others it provides a voice to affect changes in society.
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  • You haven't given any reason to believe that these two are in conflict, that they represent some sort of choice. You can have a decent income doing things that are good for the community, or you can have a decent (possibly larger) income doing things that are bad for the community. Now which do you choose?

  • This essay isn't doing hard work, it's just throwing lumps of well-crafted language at the subject. I don't know why I should think that a law firm dinner is likely to make one want to go work at a law firm: the events of that kind I attended while I was in law school seemed horrible to me. They certainly didn't make me want to go to more of them. Your paragraph is well turned, but it doesn't reflect experience as I know it for myself, and it's not language that vividly conveys your or someone else's reality: it's just well-filled trays of limp linguistic canapes circling the room. So it doesn't convince.

  • I think the way forward here is to figure out what you really wanted to write about and to write about that, using the words that seem natural to you to convey most simply and authentically the idea you have.
 
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Revision 3r3 - 31 Mar 2009 - 16:16:55 - IanSullivan
Revision 2r2 - 02 Mar 2009 - 01:31:23 - ShirleyBoutin
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