-- By MikeCarson - 08 Jun 2017

I will be back in the fall, but with a lot of work left to figure out how to train myself to be a lawyer worth becoming. I'm still searching for exactly what I want, and what I'm worth.

I used to thing I knew all that. At bare minimum, I entered law school feeling totally equipped to get what I needed out of the experience. I came to law school from a past life on campaigns that was physically and emotion draining. I never knew how to work campaigns without committing heart-and-soul to the job, even when the candidate was one I wouldn't even vote for under other circumstances. Politics always spoke to the tribal instinct in me—I am more loyal by nature than idealistic, even in a profession where my loyalties were often dictated by the practical realities of my main employers' politics or my career. Over time, it took its toll. I felt like I was giving too much of myself, and for too little.

Law, then, seemed straightforward. I was a good worker to the point of being almost a glutton for punishment—no political staffer worth a damn is scared of an 80-hour workweek. Three years of schooling and a degree would mean I could simply go to work for a firm, and be done elbowing my way through a field where employment ties get shaken up like an Etch-a-Sketch nearly every six months, and nepotism and political backbiting are stock in trade. Life as a wage-earner sounded simple.

I am almost loathe to admit the extent to which this course made that idea crumble for me. The problem, of course, is that it's a stupid idea, and prone to crumbling under even the gentlest of examination. I think now that, in effect, I was just looking to sell my loyalties wholesale rather than retail. It made me uncomfortable to commit so much of my time and energy to people who didn't necessarily appreciate or deserve it, but rather than find a way not to do that, I looked for a way to roll it all into one sale (and admittedly, get a better price).

The part I liked best about my last job was that, at least in the last few years, I was good enough that I didn't have to answer to anyone but the candidate themselves. By the end I hardly pitched business, and the clients still seemed to find me. I never watched a clock or punched a timecard—instead, I worked hard and for long hours because I knew exactly what needed to get done. I need to learn how to be that kind of lawyer—one good enough to have enough business without having it handed down from an employer, and free enough (professionally and personally) to follow the job where it needs to go.

Becoming that sort of lawyer will require confidence in my skills—a confidence that wouldn't be merited today, even if I had it. We talked in class about building both professional skills and a professional network in law school, a useful way of thinking that I want to take to heart.

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